Son-In-Law?

For those of you out there who have a touchy or rough relationship with a Father-in-Law you will appreciate my predicament.

I like my in-laws and enjoy time with them. We are living in their home at present while we help them out with some family stuff and they in turn provide us a place to stay. On the surface this seems like a good deal for both parties. On the surface....

Beneath the surface are the very different and divergent personalities, traits, habits and every day actions of the two generationally divided couples. It takes some getting used to for all parties, let me tell ya.

My Father -in- Law is retired law enforcement and has kept his cop mentality all his life. He is also losing his hearing and is at an age when he is not able to physically do what he is accustomed to doing. The combination of these traits and my own have brought some tension to the household.

My answer to this was to avoid him, not engage in too much conversation and generally just stay out of the way. I think I've been unsuccessful in my attempts. He has found fault in the way Vicki and I interact, in spite of his own marriage's dysfunction and he made sure to tell my wife. We both thought it slightly funny, since she has no compunctions about telling me to shut up or go away if I get on her nerves.

There may be a bit of projection on his part, of which I am sure, he is unaware.

Anyway, I had totally forgotten the role of son-in-law till this recent visit with my wife's parents. Now that I am reminded of it, I remember how much I dislike the position it puts you in and the family dynamics that must be dealt with in order to make a go of it.

Because I am much like my Father-in-Law in all the wrong ways, it makes it doubly difficult. That said, I wouldn't want to be any place else right now. Vicki needs to spend this time with her folks and I need to support her in that. In addition I am enjoying the experience to the best of my ability and loving the interaction with Vic's Mom and between Vic and her Mom.

The fact that two old grumpy, ex-marines have some friction in their relationship is minimal in comparison to the good being accomplished on other fronts.

How's your relationship with your In-laws?

The Daily Husband

Why are we paying Wall Street's Gambling Debts?

If you missed 60 minutes and their explanation of Credit Default Swaps and what they have done to our economy, you missed something vital to your financial interests.

Crooks and Liars has a piece on it today.

We should all be letting our congressmen and women know that we are not willing to pay these debts. The entire sum owed on the bogus CDS mess should not be payed.

People knew they were gambling. In addition they were betting on the failure of other financial entities. We outlawed the practice 100 years ago and then let it creep back in during Clinton's administration. It went crazy under Bush.

The banks and investment houses that we deem necessary to save had better use the money to help people with mortgages and foreclosures; that after all is the underlying problem with our economy. As to paying off hedge fund gambling debts; NO WAY!!!!!!!

The Daily Husband

Marriage

There exists, on the Arizona ballot this year, a proposition which is supposed to be about protecting marriage. It's one of those anti-gay things that theocrats think has a place in politics.



It is true that the state of marriage in our country is marginal. It's still a 50/50 chance you take when tying the knot. So What? For those like Vicki and I who have found a partner worth putting up with, lying next to night after night, watching them grow older before your eyes, helping with parents and children, enjoying travel and entertainment together and all the other myriad blessings of a good marriage it was well worth the gamble.



I wouldn't trade these 27 years we've been together for anything. And for 22 of them we've been married.



So... I don't see the necessity for any government intervention into defining marriage. I understand that couples ( of any sort) want equal financial and social rights, but that's certainly a secular and not religious matter.



It is hard for me to imagine what is the danger a committed relationship between two other people represents to me. I admit to not enjoying seeing men kissing, (it's my generation and raging heterosexuality I guess) but I could care less if they want to have a committed and socially recognized relationship. It's for others to figure out what to call it and if they decide to call it marriage or some legal term good for tax purposes, well good for them. It certainly won't make me any less married or mar the the good name of marriage in my eyes.

While there exists a great many things that humans do that surely should not be socially or governmentally sanctioned, I cannot believe that two humans who have been fortunate enough to build a relationship worth memorializing and legitimizing are really engaged in that kind of activity. We heteros spend too much time worrying about what the gays are up to in the bedroom and the possible bad effects on our children. Why not spend a bit more time enjoying our own relationships and let the schadenfreude go about gay relationships?

Just a thought.

The Daily Husband

The Beat goes on

In my never ending quest to conquer all maintenance chores at my in-law's place I will be replacing a damaged fluorescent fixture and its accompanying bulb. Then it's on to the guest room toilet which runs for no good reason. This usually means a bad flapper valve or seal at the tank or in the worst case, the need for replacing the guts of the unit in entirety.

I am going with the flapper valve replacement first because the flush valve is modern and the toilet is in a difficult and cramped location in which to work. (I did that sentence for Dr. John) (about the preposition I mean, not about the toilet) (I promise, no pun was intended) (REALLY)

Anyway....... As is my habit, I check pricing at both Home Depot and Lowes. While at the Home Depot, the alleged potty expert (I say alleged because he did not know that flapper valves had different width hinge fixtures and just handed me the most overpriced piece of crap he had) At the same time he asked why I was comparison shopping when I clued him to the info on flush valves and I replied "You might have heard, we're in a recession and I like to spend my money wisely." He replied "It's only a recession if you believe there's one."

I know I should have let it go, but the obvious republican/Rush Limbaugh/Faux News denial line, drew an instant response. I told him that conditions made it a recession not my awareness or belief in it. I did not ask him what he was smoking, though I should have, cause right about now (the time I'm working on my father-in-law's toilet) I could use a good toke of something green and sweet smelling.

I did not buy the overpriced item he suggested and will go back shortly to the house, drain the tank, pull the old flush valve and go to the local hardware store for a replacement. I'm betting that no one there will have the temerity to tell me the "RECESSION" is all in my head.

I am not a huge fan of Home Depot anyway because they use the company Certigy to guarantee payment when you pay them by check. Back when we were remodeling our home in North Carolina I had it out with them and took several thousand dollars of flooring business from Home Depot and gave it to Lowes. Certigy uses a computer program for check acceptance and not your actual bank balance or payment history. Pissed me off bigtime. I pretty much told them to shove it.

Since coming back to Phoenix and working on the "Rents" place I put my dislike for the "Depot" aside and shopped there as needed. It will be needed less and less I think.

OK, I have stories to read, comments to right, light fixtures to repair and toilets to flush.

Have a great weekend.

The Daily Husband

OK, now what?

Well, we've accomplished some of our goals with Vic's parents and we think we can see the end of the tunnel. Now we need to begin the process of establishing our lives in Phoenix.

Most of the reading, research and anecdotal accounts I've researched tell me that obtaining employment at age 59 will be tough. SO......... What to do.

I've been thinking of investing a little of our diminished nest egg in a local business as a way of buying myself a job. Problem here is that most retail establishments I see are experiencing a downturn in sales. Then there's the service sector. Maybe there's some opportunity there.

I'd really love to be involved in a manufacturing effort. But most take way more capital than we possess.

Still, there has to be something I can do. We don't believe that Vicki will have a problem getting work. The only thing with her job is to get one close that pays well.

Today seems like an excellent time to explore whats out there. The internet has some obvious advantages over knocking on doors, though I'm not above doing that as well.

We mailed our ballots today with plenty of extra postage so there is no chance of them not getting there.

Hope you all get a chance to get out and cast a ballot.

The Daily Husband

Cool comes to my baby

As I reported yesterday I turned my back on my old tinting shop when they failed to provide the level of customer service I sought. Instead a nice fellow by the name of Gilbert showed up this morning and did the work at my in-law's place.




Here are a couple of pictures of him working. He turned out to be a world traveller and an excellent tint installer. In addition, I saved $80 and had the work done at home. Very cool; yes, a pun is intended.










Now if I can just remember to not operate the windows for a couple of days all will be well. I can already tell the difference in the car. I know to those of you in the east it may sound crazy, but in Arizona, tinting your car's windows is almost mandatory. Too much sun is not a good thing.


I am continuing my exposure to Starbucks society and met a bright young man from the local Intel plant at my local "Bucks" today. We had a long talk about the markets, his company, worthless stock options, housing and foreclosures and lots of political stuff.



He introduced me to a website about a new form of living and culture. It is The Venus Project. If you get a chance, jump on over there and check out some innovative ideas about how to live better.



Things with the "Rents" are going pretty good. Vic and I tackle a project a day and help where and when we can. Later today I will be investigating their irrigation system and its timer. Should be interesting.


RT

Made up and Stayed up

OK, so the new opener is in and operating. Vic and I are on speaking terms again. I was supposed to get tint on the windows of our car today, but the shop pissed me off and I decided to use somebody else.

Without getting into a lot of boring detail about a petty incident, let me say this.
"Any conversation a business has with a dissatisfied customer needs to be about the customer, not about the business." If you have crummy customer service, or employees that think they're doing your customer a favor by taking their money and providing the product or service the customer is paying for; well, then your business is going to have a problem in this recession.

Folks are going to stop spending money with you and look for a place that appreciates their business. Word to the wise; be nice to the people who spend money with you.

On another entirely different note: It seems I am becoming a part of Starbucks society. I am not sure that's a good thing though. This morning, after canceling my install with the shmucks, I stopped to get online and research tinting shops at a "Bucks" new to me. While there, a guy next to me hooked me up with a deal on tinting and I'll find out tomorrow just how good the deal is.

I also met a very nice lady who is on the faculty at University of Phoenix. We chatted amiably for a while about the economy, the housing market, and business in general. It was a very pleasant experience. And nice to hear from someone else how badly they feel our country has been governed.

Vicki and I spent some time today discussing what we would be doing with and for her folks. There is a need for diplomacy here which I lack. It will be up to Vic to take care of that end. I will focus on giving her a second opinion and doing what I can around the in-law's place to make their life easier, safer and more secure.

It seems when we get to talking about this stuff we can become passionate and edgy. I find myself apologizing many times during our conversations and reassuring her that my intention is to help her and not pressure her. On this count I have been only partly successful. My temporary solution is to make a conscious effort to shut up for a while.

Anyone who has read my blogs will appreciate how hard that is for me. I have at least one and sometimes several opinions about almost everything. Not a good trait for a husband; at least not for a husband who wants to enjoy the delights of marital bliss on a regular basis.

My conclusion: HUSBAND'S OPINIONS ARE BEST KEPT TO THEMSELVES!

The Daily Husband